I remember that day, only a few years ago, when I stared at a bottle of pills and tried to calculate how many it would take to put an end to it all. I remember wondering who’d find me—praying that it would be my husband and not my young son. I remember, too...perhaps most of all, this sense of having no other option, no other alternative. It was either take the pills or continue down a bleak and lonely path that seemingly had no chance of ever getting better.
You know what’s strange, what might surprise you? It’s that in that moment, I don’t remember feeling sad. At least not in the way you might think. I don’t recall tears flowing down my face or asking the heavens “Why me?” There was nothing at all emotional about that moment. Instead, it was very hollow—just hauntingly matter-of-fact.
What I know now, what I wish I had known then, and what I truly hope you will take away from this article, is that there is a huge difference between depression and sadness. The two words are often used interchangeably. People think they’re synonyms of each other—but they’re not, not really, certainly not in a clinical sense. And if you spend all your energy trying to fix the sadness, you may succeed and still find yourself in the throes of depression. In the worst-case scenario, you may find yourself in the same setting that I was in not all that long ago...where you open your mouth, toss in a fistful of pills, gulp down a glass of water, and hope that it will be enough.
So, Let’s Talk About What It Really Feels Like
We’ve all had days where we feel down, overwhelmed, or just plain out of sorts. Maybe you’ve lost interest in things you usually enjoy, or you feel like a weight is sitting on your chest, and no matter what you do, it doesn’t seem to lift. And all of that is accompanied by a total lack of hope.
If you’re reading this, there’s a chance that something feels off, but you might be thinking, “Well, I’m not crying every day, so I’m not depressed, right?” That’s a common misconception. Depression doesn’t always show up the way you expect. It’s a bit sneakier. It can creep into your life in ways that make it harder to identify.
That’s because depression is not an emotion that adjusts to the cause and effect of the circumstances of your life. Instead, it’s a medical condition. It’s a complex health issue that affects how you think, feel, and function in daily life. It can mess with your sleep, make you lose your appetite (or eat everything in sight), and suck the energy out of you.
It’s like being stuck in a fog where everything feels heavy and dull. You might not even feel sad, just numb. That’s what makes it so tricky—depression can show up in so many different ways. Sometimes, people with depression don’t even realize that’s what they’re dealing with because it doesn’t look or feel like the “stereotypical” sadness we see on TV or in movies.
When I look back at those dark days, I remember a woman, a wife, and a mom who was still going about her business. I was still getting things done. Even if I lacked all energy, I was largely able to fake it to the outside world, even to those closest to me, that everything was okay.
But looking back, I was just going through the motions because behind the daily tasks, life had lost all its color, and everything felt muted and gray.
If You Can Relate, Then Ask Yourself a Few Questions
If you’re not sure if you are enduring sadness or in the middle of a medical depression, there are a few things you can look out for:
Lack of interest or motivation: Have you stopped enjoying the things you used to love? Do hobbies feel like chores now?
Fatigue or sleep issues: Are you tired all the time, no matter how much you sleep? Or maybe you’re having trouble falling or staying asleep?
Changes in appetite: Eating too much or too little can be a sign. If you find yourself stress-eating or completely losing your appetite, pay attention to that.
Difficulty concentrating: Are you finding it hard to focus on tasks that used to be second nature? Do you feel like your brain is in a fog?
Irritability or frustration: Sometimes, depression shows up as anger or irritability. If small things set you off more than usual, that could be a sign.
Feeling hopeless or worthless: These feelings can sneak up on you, making everything seem pointless. If you’re feeling this way more often than not, it’s important to take it seriously.
If you answered “yes” to some or all of these questions, chances are you may be in the middle of a depression. But the blame is not on you!
It’s easy to beat yourself up when you’re feeling this way. You might think, “I just need to snap out of it” or “I’m probably overreacting.” But here’s the truth: you’re not being lazy, and you’re not weak. Depression isn’t something you can just shake off or snap out of. It’s a legitimate health condition that needs attention, just like any physical illness.
You’re Not Alone
One of the most isolating things about depression is the feeling that no one else could possibly understand what you’re going through. But you’re far from alone. Millions of people around the world experience depression... and as you know by now, I am one of them.
Since that moment, I have dedicated my life to walking alongside people just like you. Your friends and family may not be able to relate. Therapy is great—I recommend it—but your therapist may never have been in your shoes. I have. And I want to hear from you because I know talking and sharing your story can make a world of difference, as long as the person listening truly understands.
That’s why I am so proud to be a Peer Support Specialist with New H.O.P.E. CDC. In this role, I meet people at their lowest points and in their darkest days... and it all looks so familiar to me. I truly have been exactly where you are now, and it is my strongest desire to help you find a way out. We can chat without any sense of shame or embarrassment. And since you know a little bit about me, you know our conversations will be judgment-free.
So, if this article struck a chord with you, don’t brush it off. It’s okay to ask for help, to acknowledge that something feels wrong, and to take the steps needed to feel better.
Depression is not just being sad—it’s a real, complex condition, and you deserve to feel good again. Send me an email (peerinfo@newhope-cdc.org), and let’s walk through this together.
Need help now, click here to see the NC Mental Health Hotlines.
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